On Fast Food and True Love

Just a lesson and encouragement for all my single friends...

It all started last night after a Bible study session. The leader had asked about what questions we were afraid to take to God because we were afraid of what He would answer. God, do you want me to work or do full-time ministry? God, should I stay with a difficult church or find a new one? God, do you want me to give up this thing I've been holding on to or do I need to keep going in faith? God, do you have someone for me or do you want me to stay single my whole life? Etc. Most of these questions I've had to ask before, and yes, sometimes waiting on the answer has been scary. But the last one has been the thing that I've been almost too afraid to even ask.

I know I needed time to pray, so I took a drive, hitting the highway towards Ohio and not knowing how far I'd go. I just forgot about where I was and listened for God to tell me where to turn next. In the meantime, I poured my heart out to Him: all my fear, confusion, doubt, struggle, whatever. I asked Him the hard questions that I had been holding inside, because somehow I knew He would rather me be painfully honest with Him than worry about offending Him. God is big enough to take my questions. I explained to Him all the reasons I hadn't wanted to ask Him about His will for me. If He was going to call me to be single, why in the world did I spend the past six or so years trying to learn, understand, and prepare myself for a successful marriage someday (not to mention the whole saving myself for my husband thing!)? The thought of going through life alone terrified me, and if that's what it would take for Him to use my life for His Kingdom's work, I wasn't sure I wanted to know!

After I had voiced my thoughts and complaints, I drove in silence and waited for His answer. For a long time, there was silence. I saw a Bob Evans on an exit sign and realized I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and a chicken pot pie sounded awesome. I pulled off the exit and went to find the restaurant. It was already closed for the night. I wasn't sure where to go next so I kept driving until I felt I should turn around. On the way back I saw a sign for DQ, and thought at least an ice cream cone would be good. It took some maneuvering to get into the parking lot because it was hidden, but when I got there I discovered that it had closed as well. *sigh* Still heading back toward the highway, I stopped at a red light next to Arby's, which was still open. As most of my friends know, Arby's is my favorite fast food, and I eat there quite often because it's good and familiar and always something I can fall back on. Yet tonight I hadn't been in the mood for it the first time I passed by. I thought about stopping in this time, but the Lord gently said no. I drove on and made it back to the highway. Not knowing what else to do, I headed back towards Indy.

It was then that God related my experiences searching for food with the questions I had asked about finding love. There have been things I have seen in men I was really attracted to and excited about, yet when I tried to walk that direction, God had hung a "closed" sign on the door and turned off the lights. Frustrated, I kept looking. Then there was the familiar... a close friend or someone I really thought I could relate to well. It was very good, but not everything I had hoped for. I could have chosen that path and been somewhat content, but there was still that feeling that it wasn't God's will. I moved on. Now I was on a journey, not knowing how it would end. In the midst of it all, God challenged me with two questions. "Do you believe that I love you?" Yes, of course. He has proven that time and time again. "Do you believe that I am good?" It is written throughout Scripture, and I know theologically the answer is yes. But the heart and mind are two very different things, and I know there are times when my heart deep down has questioned that even though my mind affirms the yes. And that, I believe, has been the core of this struggle. Do I really believe that God's plan for me is the best and will bring me the most happiness? Can I trust the outcome to Him even when I have no idea what it will be? Am I willing to walk in obedience no matter what?

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV)

I kept driving and following the Lord's leading, and ended up taking a random exit that landed me right... home. I had not stopped anywhere else the rest of my drive, but at that point I was so exhausted that I didn't particularly care about food anymore. I just needed sleep. So I went home and went to bed, but before I slept the Lord reminded me of one more thing: if it were His desire for me to go without (and BTW He never actually answered that question), it would also be His responsibility to change my desires to be content with that.

"For it is God who works in you to will [desire] and [have the power] to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." - Philippians 2:13 (NIV; my notes)

So here we are on this journey, not knowing where the road will lead us. But the greatest lesson we need to hold on to is the fact that God is good, and His desires for us are for the best. So let us walk on, keeping our eyes on Jesus and pressing in to know His heart more and more. Because when we do that, He promised that He will lead us right where we need to be, and we will be satisfied.