What does waiting on the Lord look like? How do we know when we're doing it right?
Last night, several Indianapolis churches came together for an all-night prayer vigil, to ask God for change in our world, our country, our city, and our personal lives. We started at 9pm with about 40-50 people, and spent our time going between worship and prayer times. There were some very good worship groups there - the church team itself, a gospel choir-ish group, a men's acapella quartet, our old worship leader Clint with his guitar, me with my guitar, and a Spanish church team that both sang and did a powerful drama. In between the music, we prayed for missionaries, ministries, nations, Indy-area churches & pastors, and many personal prayer requests that God would put on our hearts as the night went on.
Over time, the number of people in the room dwindled. Some had to be up early, went to other events or had kids that needed sleep. Others were just exhausted. But those that were still expecting God to show up pressed on. It was a hard road, especially around 3am. There were only 12 of us plus our security officer left at that point. No more worship teams were there, so we just sat there and prayed... and prayed. It was very difficult to sit still with everyone so tired. I had to stand up a couple times to stay awake, and I caught everyone yawning at least once. The guy leading the prayer at that time sat on his knees with the mic, begging God to show up and asking Him what else we needed to do. We had spent the night in intercession, but so far there had been no outpouring of the Spirit. We wanted God's presence with us, and we didn't want to give up until He came, but we didn't know what else to do. I wondered if we would make it all the way to 5am like we had planned.
About 4:05 am, the guy leading us stopped praying and quietly began to sing. Apparently thinking we were done for the night, 4-5 people said their goodnights and left. The church staff & police officer remained, as well as myself, Nick, and the guy that was singing. The latter three of us collected at the front of the church by the alter to keep praying. Suddenly, about 4:10, the man's song turned into a cry. The Spirit of God was finally here, and we could feel it. Within moments, the three of us at the front of the church were on our faces in worship, overwhelmed by His holiness. Throughout the room, there were cries and prayers lifted up as people came into contact with the Living God. HE was here. The rest of the hour was a mix of spontaneous prayer, weeping before the Lord, and interceding for people we knew. There was no more exhaustion, no more dryness. We had come before the throne of the King, and He had met with us. When 5am hit, we let out a cheer. We had made it!
I remember this event as being similar to when I went to TheCall in DC. We were there 10 hours, and it was the 9th one that God showed up for me. I'm starting to think that he's trying to stretch me in the area of perseverance. :)
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galations 6:9 (NIV)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Update & Prayer Requests...
Hey all!
I know it's been forever since I've been on here. I'll try to give a whirlwind update of the year and go more in depth next week when I have a little time off! LOL In general, here's what's been up this year:
As far as family...
Joel 2:12-17 (NIV)
"Even now," declares the LORD,
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
Blow the trumpet in Zion,
Gather the people,
Let the priests, who minister before the LORD, weep between the temple porch and the altar. Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
I know it's been forever since I've been on here. I'll try to give a whirlwind update of the year and go more in depth next week when I have a little time off! LOL In general, here's what's been up this year:
As far as family...
- Mom & Aaron still in the same jobs, though Aaron is looking to move elsewhere.
- My step-brother, Brandan, was deployed in September with the Marines to Iraq and will return in April.
- My aunt's cancer returned (I think I mentioned this one in my last post...)
- Still working full-time at Eli Lilly, and just finished a night class to get my biology major back (I was one class short of the double chem-biol major when I graduated)
- This year, have traveled to Mexico, Washington DC, and - after Christmas - to IHOP in Kansas City!
- With the switchover in our church ministries (described in earlier posts), I've been involved in the prayer ministry now more than anything. Even my burden for missions seems to be on hold as prayer has been my biggest concern.
- Photography jobs are picking up a bit, and I have my own little studio in my living room now! LOL
- I'm no longer playing in the band at SUMC, but have still had opportunites to do worship & stuff (like this upcoming Friday!!!)
- And yes, shockingly enough, at the beginning of the year I ended my nearly 6-year dating fast. Still waiting on the Lord in this area, though.
Joel 2:12-17 (NIV)
"Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
Blow the trumpet in Zion,
declare a holy fast,
call a sacred assembly.
Gather the people,
consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders,
gather the children, those nursing at the breast.
Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber.
Let the priests, who minister before the LORD, weep between the temple porch and the altar. Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn, a byword among the nations.
Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?'
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Rest
Have you ever gotten to the point where you felt like things were "too much"? You just want to yell, "Stop the world, I wanna get off!"
Yeah... we all have those times. But I believe it's what we do with them that makes the difference. Do we run & hide? Do we pray? Do we cover it all up and act strong? Do we despair? What is your normal reaction?
I had a moment like that this past week. Things have already been stacking up for the past 2 months. Since our pastor left, our young adult ministry, One Accord, had its last service on Sunday. Dealing with the loss of our community has been hard. Losing some very special friendships recently, for other reasons, has also left its mark. But I was supposed to lead our prayer team and keep them encouraged that God was still working. And there were times when I saw that... and times when I walked on faith alone. My heart had already been broken in all this, and then the other week my small group leaders also announced they were stepping down. I couldn't even bring myself to cry over it. I was too numb. But things still weren't over. Two days ago, my aunt went into the doctor to check a cracked bone, and they found out that her cancer had come back. This time it's terminal. She doesn't want to tell her family or parents yet, so my immediate family are the only ones who know (the rest don't read my blog, so you guys can know, too).
Normally, I deal with things by talking to God and my friends. But most of my friends are gone now, since they were all in OA. So that just leaves me & the Lord, but for some reason I've struggled with praying about it all recently. Then I read about the importance of rest in the Christian life, about simply being with Jesus and not trying to do things to fix these problems (it was the "Desert Communion" chapter in "The Sacred Romance", if you must know). Hmmm....
The same day I got the news about my aunt, I went home and just laid down on my bed & talked to the Lord. Well, more like just laid there. I didn't have any words to say. And neither did He. I still couldn't cry. But I could feel Jesus' presence there as He took me in His arms and just held me... and reminded me that I didn't have to try and be strong around him. And so I didn't try to explain how I felt... I didn't try to remind myself of all the things I "should" know about holding on to faith in hard times... I just rested in His arms. And after a while, the tears finally came. And He just held me, reminding me that He was always there. No quick fixes. No Sunday school answers. No patronizing explanations that I've heard time & time again. He just let me rest... Praise God.
Now I must stand up and walk on. The road ahead is still unclear. The pain inside is still fresh. But God is still in control, and He is faithful.
"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." - Psalm 37:7 (NKJV)
Yeah... we all have those times. But I believe it's what we do with them that makes the difference. Do we run & hide? Do we pray? Do we cover it all up and act strong? Do we despair? What is your normal reaction?
I had a moment like that this past week. Things have already been stacking up for the past 2 months. Since our pastor left, our young adult ministry, One Accord, had its last service on Sunday. Dealing with the loss of our community has been hard. Losing some very special friendships recently, for other reasons, has also left its mark. But I was supposed to lead our prayer team and keep them encouraged that God was still working. And there were times when I saw that... and times when I walked on faith alone. My heart had already been broken in all this, and then the other week my small group leaders also announced they were stepping down. I couldn't even bring myself to cry over it. I was too numb. But things still weren't over. Two days ago, my aunt went into the doctor to check a cracked bone, and they found out that her cancer had come back. This time it's terminal. She doesn't want to tell her family or parents yet, so my immediate family are the only ones who know (the rest don't read my blog, so you guys can know, too).
Normally, I deal with things by talking to God and my friends. But most of my friends are gone now, since they were all in OA. So that just leaves me & the Lord, but for some reason I've struggled with praying about it all recently. Then I read about the importance of rest in the Christian life, about simply being with Jesus and not trying to do things to fix these problems (it was the "Desert Communion" chapter in "The Sacred Romance", if you must know). Hmmm....
The same day I got the news about my aunt, I went home and just laid down on my bed & talked to the Lord. Well, more like just laid there. I didn't have any words to say. And neither did He. I still couldn't cry. But I could feel Jesus' presence there as He took me in His arms and just held me... and reminded me that I didn't have to try and be strong around him. And so I didn't try to explain how I felt... I didn't try to remind myself of all the things I "should" know about holding on to faith in hard times... I just rested in His arms. And after a while, the tears finally came. And He just held me, reminding me that He was always there. No quick fixes. No Sunday school answers. No patronizing explanations that I've heard time & time again. He just let me rest... Praise God.
Now I must stand up and walk on. The road ahead is still unclear. The pain inside is still fresh. But God is still in control, and He is faithful.
"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." - Psalm 37:7 (NKJV)
Friday, July 25, 2008
It's Coming...
God is moving at One Accord.
It doesn't look like it on the outside - the church leadership is ending our worship service and basically turning it into a Sunday school class, cutting out most of the older members of our ministry in favor of the college students, and in the process we have seen many of our best leaders walk out the door. Yet God has given a small group of people His vision for all this, and it's huge!
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." -- Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
Dare I even say what the vision is? God has been wanting to pour out the fire of His Spirit on our church, but it has been long contained in our little ministries and church "cliques". We have been the light of Christ, but only to those who already have it. Now He is stirring up the fire and kicking the sparks out into the open, igniting everything in its path. They want us to integrate into the church... but they don't know what they are asking for! There have been people praying - praying for over a year now - for one thing, and it appears God is wanting to answer that prayer. Revival. It's coming.
But this is something that calls for faith. Perseverance. This will not be immediate, and before we can even really start, we have to survive the transition between our worship service and Sunday morning classes.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”-- Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)
God has really been burdening my heart for The River, our prayer team, during this time. We don't want to lose any more people than we already have, but this team also needs to understand that we are not playing around with this. Prayer is and has always been the heart & soul of our ministry, and if OA is going to be carried through this time of change, it will be through persevering in prayer. For the next few months, my goals are clear: (1) to call our people to TRUST GOD in all of this. This isn't a time to be bitter at other people. This isn't a time to run away. This isn't a time to hesitate or question or worry. God is in control. (2) In order to trust God more, we need to know Him more. Most of our prayer times I have been and will be focusing on who God is. No matter what, we need to keep looking and pointing to God. A few weeks ago some people confessed that they had let the One Accord service and the way they wanted it to look become an idol, and they had been more upset about losing that than looking at what God was doing. Praise the Lord that He is bringing these things out into the open and taken them away, so we can look at HIM alone!
"'Don't be afraid,' the prophet answered. 'Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." -- 2 Kings 6:16-17 (NIV) (I have been studying Elisha a lot during this time, after the illustration that was given when I was handed this ministry - see my entry from 6/7/08)
There is much more to come, I'm sure. And I'm already out of my comfort zone!! But God is good, God is faithful, and God is in control.
It doesn't look like it on the outside - the church leadership is ending our worship service and basically turning it into a Sunday school class, cutting out most of the older members of our ministry in favor of the college students, and in the process we have seen many of our best leaders walk out the door. Yet God has given a small group of people His vision for all this, and it's huge!
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." -- Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
Dare I even say what the vision is? God has been wanting to pour out the fire of His Spirit on our church, but it has been long contained in our little ministries and church "cliques". We have been the light of Christ, but only to those who already have it. Now He is stirring up the fire and kicking the sparks out into the open, igniting everything in its path. They want us to integrate into the church... but they don't know what they are asking for! There have been people praying - praying for over a year now - for one thing, and it appears God is wanting to answer that prayer. Revival. It's coming.
But this is something that calls for faith. Perseverance. This will not be immediate, and before we can even really start, we have to survive the transition between our worship service and Sunday morning classes.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”-- Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)
God has really been burdening my heart for The River, our prayer team, during this time. We don't want to lose any more people than we already have, but this team also needs to understand that we are not playing around with this. Prayer is and has always been the heart & soul of our ministry, and if OA is going to be carried through this time of change, it will be through persevering in prayer. For the next few months, my goals are clear: (1) to call our people to TRUST GOD in all of this. This isn't a time to be bitter at other people. This isn't a time to run away. This isn't a time to hesitate or question or worry. God is in control. (2) In order to trust God more, we need to know Him more. Most of our prayer times I have been and will be focusing on who God is. No matter what, we need to keep looking and pointing to God. A few weeks ago some people confessed that they had let the One Accord service and the way they wanted it to look become an idol, and they had been more upset about losing that than looking at what God was doing. Praise the Lord that He is bringing these things out into the open and taken them away, so we can look at HIM alone!
"'Don't be afraid,' the prophet answered. 'Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." -- 2 Kings 6:16-17 (NIV) (I have been studying Elisha a lot during this time, after the illustration that was given when I was handed this ministry - see my entry from 6/7/08)
There is much more to come, I'm sure. And I'm already out of my comfort zone!! But God is good, God is faithful, and God is in control.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Worth It
So, at our prayer meeting on Friday, for once I had no words to speak. However, in about 10 minutes I wrote this song... still working on a melody, but here's the words thus far...
"Worth It"
You said whoever loves his life
Will lose it
Those who will leave it all
Will live
But how can I walk away from all I've known?
You said to love You is to
Forsake all else
In following we must take up
Our cross
Yet now I'm left feeling all alone
I don't understand Your ways
I'm in the dark these days
But I believe You are good
And because You're here
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
Lord give me the faith to believe
All You promised is true
That even if I must leave it all behind
All that I need is You
"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer." - Psalm 45:1 (NIV)
"Worth It"
You said whoever loves his life
Will lose it
Those who will leave it all
Will live
But how can I walk away from all I've known?
You said to love You is to
Forsake all else
In following we must take up
Our cross
Yet now I'm left feeling all alone
I don't understand Your ways
I'm in the dark these days
But I believe You are good
And because You're here
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
Lord give me the faith to believe
All You promised is true
That even if I must leave it all behind
All that I need is You
"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer." - Psalm 45:1 (NIV)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Everything Changes
I suppose we should have expected it. '~'Spiritual warfare is part of doing ministry. Three weeks ago, our young adult ministry hosted a prayerwalk around our city, pulling down the spiritual walls and taking back our community for Christ. One week ago, our young adult pastor announced his resignation. Our ministry was pulled apart overnight. :(
During this week, those of us who are left have been trying to pick up the pieces and move on. The other pastors in our church are going to keep our services going, but many of the student leaders left with the pastor. Friday night, I was at a meeting with the prayer warriors and leaders of The River, our prayer ministry. Among the things we talked and prayed about, the ministry was our main focus. But then, another change was announced. The two men leading our prayer ministry told us that they too, were going to step down from leadership.
Before I had time to realize what was going on, one of the guys, Nick, started talking about the people he had to take over different aspects of his ministry. When it came to The River, he said that could be taken over by any Spirit-filled believer who was on fire for the Lord, but he was looking right at me!! :O He talked about how it was like Elijah passing on the cloak (and his ministry) to Elisha. I started in with a "Wait a minute!", but it was time for us to start praying, so I didn't get to talk to him right then. As we prayed, God confirmed to me that this was what He wanted as well. I told the group that I really didn't feel prepared for this, but the other guy said that he felt I was ready, and the rest of them circled around, laid hands on me, and prayed. I spent a couple hours after that, out driving and talking with God. If He wants me here, I have to obey, despite how I feel.
So here I am, suddenly in charge of a ministry I never considered before. And I find myself having to do this without the people who have taught me everything about it, without the guidance and strength I had gotten used to leaning on. Now, it's just Jesus and me, and the team that has chosen to stay behind. But Elisha didn't begin his ministry until Elijah left (2 Kings 2), so maybe this needs to be the same way. My friends, I need prayer!
"So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair. Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. 'Let me kiss my father and mother good-by,' he said, 'and then I will come with you.'" -- 1 Kings 19:19-20a (NIV)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Hello!
Ok, so here's another blog to go along with my MySpace, Xanga, and Facebook blog posts. For all the friends who are only on this site... :) I'll write the same thing on all 4 so don't worry about catching them all.
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