Hey, if anyone is still following this blog, I just wanted to drop in and let you know I've moved to WordPress! The new blog will be focused on photography and cross-cultural travel. Check it out!
shine4himphoto.wordpress.com
Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, April 20, 2009
Discovering God's Character
This was a quote from a Priscilla Shirer Bible study that I felt like sharing... so awesome! It's who God is as revealed in different books of the Bible, originally from the song "He Is" by Aaron Jeoffrey.
In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our High Priest
In Numbers, the Fire by Night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel’s guide
Joshua, He’s salvation's choice
Judges, He’s Israel’s guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's Redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted Prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He’s the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the Re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He’s Mordecai's courage
In Job, the Timeless Redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah, He is the Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the Weeping Prophet
Lamentations, the Cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the Call from Sin
Daniel, the Stranger in the Fire
Hosea, the Forever Faithful
Joel, the Spirit’s Power
Amos, the Strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great Missionary
Micah, the Promise of Peace
Nahum, our Strength and Shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai, He restores that which was lost
In Zachariah, He’s our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the Son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT’S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT
In Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the Power of Love
Galatians, Freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our Glorious Treasure
Philippians, the Servant's Heart
Colossians, He’s God and the Trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the Everlasting Courage
In James, the One who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our Faithful Shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride
AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it’s all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, Son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior
He is Jesus Christ the Lord
HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!
"When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." - Colossians 3:4 (NIV, emphasis mine)
In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our High Priest
In Numbers, the Fire by Night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel’s guide
Joshua, He’s salvation's choice
Judges, He’s Israel’s guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's Redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted Prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He’s the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the Re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He’s Mordecai's courage
In Job, the Timeless Redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah, He is the Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the Weeping Prophet
Lamentations, the Cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the Call from Sin
Daniel, the Stranger in the Fire
Hosea, the Forever Faithful
Joel, the Spirit’s Power
Amos, the Strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great Missionary
Micah, the Promise of Peace
Nahum, our Strength and Shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai, He restores that which was lost
In Zachariah, He’s our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the Son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT’S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT
In Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the Power of Love
Galatians, Freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our Glorious Treasure
Philippians, the Servant's Heart
Colossians, He’s God and the Trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the Everlasting Courage
In James, the One who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our Faithful Shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride
AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it’s all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, Son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior
He is Jesus Christ the Lord
HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!
"When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." - Colossians 3:4 (NIV, emphasis mine)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
On Fast Food and True Love
Just a lesson and encouragement for all my single friends...
It all started last night after a Bible study session. The leader had asked about what questions we were afraid to take to God because we were afraid of what He would answer. God, do you want me to work or do full-time ministry? God, should I stay with a difficult church or find a new one? God, do you want me to give up this thing I've been holding on to or do I need to keep going in faith? God, do you have someone for me or do you want me to stay single my whole life? Etc. Most of these questions I've had to ask before, and yes, sometimes waiting on the answer has been scary. But the last one has been the thing that I've been almost too afraid to even ask.
I know I needed time to pray, so I took a drive, hitting the highway towards Ohio and not knowing how far I'd go. I just forgot about where I was and listened for God to tell me where to turn next. In the meantime, I poured my heart out to Him: all my fear, confusion, doubt, struggle, whatever. I asked Him the hard questions that I had been holding inside, because somehow I knew He would rather me be painfully honest with Him than worry about offending Him. God is big enough to take my questions. I explained to Him all the reasons I hadn't wanted to ask Him about His will for me. If He was going to call me to be single, why in the world did I spend the past six or so years trying to learn, understand, and prepare myself for a successful marriage someday (not to mention the whole saving myself for my husband thing!)? The thought of going through life alone terrified me, and if that's what it would take for Him to use my life for His Kingdom's work, I wasn't sure I wanted to know!
After I had voiced my thoughts and complaints, I drove in silence and waited for His answer. For a long time, there was silence. I saw a Bob Evans on an exit sign and realized I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and a chicken pot pie sounded awesome. I pulled off the exit and went to find the restaurant. It was already closed for the night. I wasn't sure where to go next so I kept driving until I felt I should turn around. On the way back I saw a sign for DQ, and thought at least an ice cream cone would be good. It took some maneuvering to get into the parking lot because it was hidden, but when I got there I discovered that it had closed as well. *sigh* Still heading back toward the highway, I stopped at a red light next to Arby's, which was still open. As most of my friends know, Arby's is my favorite fast food, and I eat there quite often because it's good and familiar and always something I can fall back on. Yet tonight I hadn't been in the mood for it the first time I passed by. I thought about stopping in this time, but the Lord gently said no. I drove on and made it back to the highway. Not knowing what else to do, I headed back towards Indy.
It was then that God related my experiences searching for food with the questions I had asked about finding love. There have been things I have seen in men I was really attracted to and excited about, yet when I tried to walk that direction, God had hung a "closed" sign on the door and turned off the lights. Frustrated, I kept looking. Then there was the familiar... a close friend or someone I really thought I could relate to well. It was very good, but not everything I had hoped for. I could have chosen that path and been somewhat content, but there was still that feeling that it wasn't God's will. I moved on. Now I was on a journey, not knowing how it would end. In the midst of it all, God challenged me with two questions. "Do you believe that I love you?" Yes, of course. He has proven that time and time again. "Do you believe that I am good?" It is written throughout Scripture, and I know theologically the answer is yes. But the heart and mind are two very different things, and I know there are times when my heart deep down has questioned that even though my mind affirms the yes. And that, I believe, has been the core of this struggle. Do I really believe that God's plan for me is the best and will bring me the most happiness? Can I trust the outcome to Him even when I have no idea what it will be? Am I willing to walk in obedience no matter what?
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV)
I kept driving and following the Lord's leading, and ended up taking a random exit that landed me right... home. I had not stopped anywhere else the rest of my drive, but at that point I was so exhausted that I didn't particularly care about food anymore. I just needed sleep. So I went home and went to bed, but before I slept the Lord reminded me of one more thing: if it were His desire for me to go without (and BTW He never actually answered that question), it would also be His responsibility to change my desires to be content with that.
"For it is God who works in you to will [desire] and [have the power] to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." - Philippians 2:13 (NIV; my notes)
So here we are on this journey, not knowing where the road will lead us. But the greatest lesson we need to hold on to is the fact that God is good, and His desires for us are for the best. So let us walk on, keeping our eyes on Jesus and pressing in to know His heart more and more. Because when we do that, He promised that He will lead us right where we need to be, and we will be satisfied.
It all started last night after a Bible study session. The leader had asked about what questions we were afraid to take to God because we were afraid of what He would answer. God, do you want me to work or do full-time ministry? God, should I stay with a difficult church or find a new one? God, do you want me to give up this thing I've been holding on to or do I need to keep going in faith? God, do you have someone for me or do you want me to stay single my whole life? Etc. Most of these questions I've had to ask before, and yes, sometimes waiting on the answer has been scary. But the last one has been the thing that I've been almost too afraid to even ask.
I know I needed time to pray, so I took a drive, hitting the highway towards Ohio and not knowing how far I'd go. I just forgot about where I was and listened for God to tell me where to turn next. In the meantime, I poured my heart out to Him: all my fear, confusion, doubt, struggle, whatever. I asked Him the hard questions that I had been holding inside, because somehow I knew He would rather me be painfully honest with Him than worry about offending Him. God is big enough to take my questions. I explained to Him all the reasons I hadn't wanted to ask Him about His will for me. If He was going to call me to be single, why in the world did I spend the past six or so years trying to learn, understand, and prepare myself for a successful marriage someday (not to mention the whole saving myself for my husband thing!)? The thought of going through life alone terrified me, and if that's what it would take for Him to use my life for His Kingdom's work, I wasn't sure I wanted to know!
After I had voiced my thoughts and complaints, I drove in silence and waited for His answer. For a long time, there was silence. I saw a Bob Evans on an exit sign and realized I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and a chicken pot pie sounded awesome. I pulled off the exit and went to find the restaurant. It was already closed for the night. I wasn't sure where to go next so I kept driving until I felt I should turn around. On the way back I saw a sign for DQ, and thought at least an ice cream cone would be good. It took some maneuvering to get into the parking lot because it was hidden, but when I got there I discovered that it had closed as well. *sigh* Still heading back toward the highway, I stopped at a red light next to Arby's, which was still open. As most of my friends know, Arby's is my favorite fast food, and I eat there quite often because it's good and familiar and always something I can fall back on. Yet tonight I hadn't been in the mood for it the first time I passed by. I thought about stopping in this time, but the Lord gently said no. I drove on and made it back to the highway. Not knowing what else to do, I headed back towards Indy.
It was then that God related my experiences searching for food with the questions I had asked about finding love. There have been things I have seen in men I was really attracted to and excited about, yet when I tried to walk that direction, God had hung a "closed" sign on the door and turned off the lights. Frustrated, I kept looking. Then there was the familiar... a close friend or someone I really thought I could relate to well. It was very good, but not everything I had hoped for. I could have chosen that path and been somewhat content, but there was still that feeling that it wasn't God's will. I moved on. Now I was on a journey, not knowing how it would end. In the midst of it all, God challenged me with two questions. "Do you believe that I love you?" Yes, of course. He has proven that time and time again. "Do you believe that I am good?" It is written throughout Scripture, and I know theologically the answer is yes. But the heart and mind are two very different things, and I know there are times when my heart deep down has questioned that even though my mind affirms the yes. And that, I believe, has been the core of this struggle. Do I really believe that God's plan for me is the best and will bring me the most happiness? Can I trust the outcome to Him even when I have no idea what it will be? Am I willing to walk in obedience no matter what?
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV)
I kept driving and following the Lord's leading, and ended up taking a random exit that landed me right... home. I had not stopped anywhere else the rest of my drive, but at that point I was so exhausted that I didn't particularly care about food anymore. I just needed sleep. So I went home and went to bed, but before I slept the Lord reminded me of one more thing: if it were His desire for me to go without (and BTW He never actually answered that question), it would also be His responsibility to change my desires to be content with that.
"For it is God who works in you to will [desire] and [have the power] to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." - Philippians 2:13 (NIV; my notes)
So here we are on this journey, not knowing where the road will lead us. But the greatest lesson we need to hold on to is the fact that God is good, and His desires for us are for the best. So let us walk on, keeping our eyes on Jesus and pressing in to know His heart more and more. Because when we do that, He promised that He will lead us right where we need to be, and we will be satisfied.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Separated to Love
Lord, I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
(Shane & Shane)
What does loving God really look like? How can I know if I'm doing it right? What areas of my life still need His touch? These questions and more I thought about during the time I spent in the IHOP-KC Prayer Room over Christmas break. I had gone to Kansas City for the OneThing convention, but God had much more to teach me than just thoughts on the End Times.
As I spent time in prayer, the question Jesus kept asking me was "What would it look like...?" What would it look like if I gave my all for Him? What would my life become if I let Him have those areas I had still been holding back? What does this "fasted lifestyle" they were talking about REALLY mean?
For all the 7 years I've been a Christian, I've always set goals to strive for in the spiritual disciplines (prayer, reading the Bible, fasting, personal worship times, staying away from certain sins, etc). During my time at IHOP, however, God turned all of that upside down (he is really good at that, it seems!). In each of the areas I had set goals for myself, He gave me another one, at a much deeper level.
But then... the Lord pointed out something more - beyond the Scripture reading, fasting, prayer, and avoiding sin. What would it take to really love Him with all I am? Would I be willing to give up even LEGITIMATE pleasures for the sake of the gospel? I'm not really talking about comfort - I've already done plenty of "roughing it" on the mission field and I'm fine with that. But the things He was asking suddenly cut to an even deeper level that I didn't realize I was holding back. What about fun? What about my friends? My music? What about... a number of things that are not at all sinful, but not absolutely necessary either. Up until now, I had a line drawn between things that were wrong and everything else. Now God was trying to push that line farther, closer to keeping only the things that would be for the Kingdom, and cutting out some things that aren't necessary.
The first two weeks of this... Fail. :( My outings with friends, watching movies with family, and time listening to the songs I had given up kept me from my quiet times. Sure I went to prayer meetings, kept fasting and memorizing Scripture in downtimes at work, but that's a far shot from what the Lord was calling me to. This is not going to be easy, and I don't really know where to start. I'm going to have to practice saying No to the things I love, in order to be able to say Yes to the One I love more.
"What you feed on is what you hunger for." (Heidi Baker) I believe that as I press in to know more of God, the things I give up to get there will fade so that I don't even miss them, and my desire for the things of God will grow. But that's not where I am... not now. It's only the hope I hold on to, in order to get there someday.
Welcome to Adventure
We can't be faint of heart
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..." - Philippians 3:7-9a (NIV)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Waiting
What does waiting on the Lord look like? How do we know when we're doing it right?
Last night, several Indianapolis churches came together for an all-night prayer vigil, to ask God for change in our world, our country, our city, and our personal lives. We started at 9pm with about 40-50 people, and spent our time going between worship and prayer times. There were some very good worship groups there - the church team itself, a gospel choir-ish group, a men's acapella quartet, our old worship leader Clint with his guitar, me with my guitar, and a Spanish church team that both sang and did a powerful drama. In between the music, we prayed for missionaries, ministries, nations, Indy-area churches & pastors, and many personal prayer requests that God would put on our hearts as the night went on.
Over time, the number of people in the room dwindled. Some had to be up early, went to other events or had kids that needed sleep. Others were just exhausted. But those that were still expecting God to show up pressed on. It was a hard road, especially around 3am. There were only 12 of us plus our security officer left at that point. No more worship teams were there, so we just sat there and prayed... and prayed. It was very difficult to sit still with everyone so tired. I had to stand up a couple times to stay awake, and I caught everyone yawning at least once. The guy leading the prayer at that time sat on his knees with the mic, begging God to show up and asking Him what else we needed to do. We had spent the night in intercession, but so far there had been no outpouring of the Spirit. We wanted God's presence with us, and we didn't want to give up until He came, but we didn't know what else to do. I wondered if we would make it all the way to 5am like we had planned.
About 4:05 am, the guy leading us stopped praying and quietly began to sing. Apparently thinking we were done for the night, 4-5 people said their goodnights and left. The church staff & police officer remained, as well as myself, Nick, and the guy that was singing. The latter three of us collected at the front of the church by the alter to keep praying. Suddenly, about 4:10, the man's song turned into a cry. The Spirit of God was finally here, and we could feel it. Within moments, the three of us at the front of the church were on our faces in worship, overwhelmed by His holiness. Throughout the room, there were cries and prayers lifted up as people came into contact with the Living God. HE was here. The rest of the hour was a mix of spontaneous prayer, weeping before the Lord, and interceding for people we knew. There was no more exhaustion, no more dryness. We had come before the throne of the King, and He had met with us. When 5am hit, we let out a cheer. We had made it!
I remember this event as being similar to when I went to TheCall in DC. We were there 10 hours, and it was the 9th one that God showed up for me. I'm starting to think that he's trying to stretch me in the area of perseverance. :)
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galations 6:9 (NIV)
Last night, several Indianapolis churches came together for an all-night prayer vigil, to ask God for change in our world, our country, our city, and our personal lives. We started at 9pm with about 40-50 people, and spent our time going between worship and prayer times. There were some very good worship groups there - the church team itself, a gospel choir-ish group, a men's acapella quartet, our old worship leader Clint with his guitar, me with my guitar, and a Spanish church team that both sang and did a powerful drama. In between the music, we prayed for missionaries, ministries, nations, Indy-area churches & pastors, and many personal prayer requests that God would put on our hearts as the night went on.
Over time, the number of people in the room dwindled. Some had to be up early, went to other events or had kids that needed sleep. Others were just exhausted. But those that were still expecting God to show up pressed on. It was a hard road, especially around 3am. There were only 12 of us plus our security officer left at that point. No more worship teams were there, so we just sat there and prayed... and prayed. It was very difficult to sit still with everyone so tired. I had to stand up a couple times to stay awake, and I caught everyone yawning at least once. The guy leading the prayer at that time sat on his knees with the mic, begging God to show up and asking Him what else we needed to do. We had spent the night in intercession, but so far there had been no outpouring of the Spirit. We wanted God's presence with us, and we didn't want to give up until He came, but we didn't know what else to do. I wondered if we would make it all the way to 5am like we had planned.
About 4:05 am, the guy leading us stopped praying and quietly began to sing. Apparently thinking we were done for the night, 4-5 people said their goodnights and left. The church staff & police officer remained, as well as myself, Nick, and the guy that was singing. The latter three of us collected at the front of the church by the alter to keep praying. Suddenly, about 4:10, the man's song turned into a cry. The Spirit of God was finally here, and we could feel it. Within moments, the three of us at the front of the church were on our faces in worship, overwhelmed by His holiness. Throughout the room, there were cries and prayers lifted up as people came into contact with the Living God. HE was here. The rest of the hour was a mix of spontaneous prayer, weeping before the Lord, and interceding for people we knew. There was no more exhaustion, no more dryness. We had come before the throne of the King, and He had met with us. When 5am hit, we let out a cheer. We had made it!
I remember this event as being similar to when I went to TheCall in DC. We were there 10 hours, and it was the 9th one that God showed up for me. I'm starting to think that he's trying to stretch me in the area of perseverance. :)
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galations 6:9 (NIV)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Update & Prayer Requests...
Hey all!
I know it's been forever since I've been on here. I'll try to give a whirlwind update of the year and go more in depth next week when I have a little time off! LOL In general, here's what's been up this year:
As far as family...
Joel 2:12-17 (NIV)
"Even now," declares the LORD,
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
Blow the trumpet in Zion,
Gather the people,
Let the priests, who minister before the LORD, weep between the temple porch and the altar. Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
I know it's been forever since I've been on here. I'll try to give a whirlwind update of the year and go more in depth next week when I have a little time off! LOL In general, here's what's been up this year:
As far as family...
- Mom & Aaron still in the same jobs, though Aaron is looking to move elsewhere.
- My step-brother, Brandan, was deployed in September with the Marines to Iraq and will return in April.
- My aunt's cancer returned (I think I mentioned this one in my last post...)
- Still working full-time at Eli Lilly, and just finished a night class to get my biology major back (I was one class short of the double chem-biol major when I graduated)
- This year, have traveled to Mexico, Washington DC, and - after Christmas - to IHOP in Kansas City!
- With the switchover in our church ministries (described in earlier posts), I've been involved in the prayer ministry now more than anything. Even my burden for missions seems to be on hold as prayer has been my biggest concern.
- Photography jobs are picking up a bit, and I have my own little studio in my living room now! LOL
- I'm no longer playing in the band at SUMC, but have still had opportunites to do worship & stuff (like this upcoming Friday!!!)
- And yes, shockingly enough, at the beginning of the year I ended my nearly 6-year dating fast. Still waiting on the Lord in this area, though.
Joel 2:12-17 (NIV)
"Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
Blow the trumpet in Zion,
declare a holy fast,
call a sacred assembly.
Gather the people,
consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders,
gather the children, those nursing at the breast.
Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber.
Let the priests, who minister before the LORD, weep between the temple porch and the altar. Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn, a byword among the nations.
Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?'
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Rest
Have you ever gotten to the point where you felt like things were "too much"? You just want to yell, "Stop the world, I wanna get off!"
Yeah... we all have those times. But I believe it's what we do with them that makes the difference. Do we run & hide? Do we pray? Do we cover it all up and act strong? Do we despair? What is your normal reaction?
I had a moment like that this past week. Things have already been stacking up for the past 2 months. Since our pastor left, our young adult ministry, One Accord, had its last service on Sunday. Dealing with the loss of our community has been hard. Losing some very special friendships recently, for other reasons, has also left its mark. But I was supposed to lead our prayer team and keep them encouraged that God was still working. And there were times when I saw that... and times when I walked on faith alone. My heart had already been broken in all this, and then the other week my small group leaders also announced they were stepping down. I couldn't even bring myself to cry over it. I was too numb. But things still weren't over. Two days ago, my aunt went into the doctor to check a cracked bone, and they found out that her cancer had come back. This time it's terminal. She doesn't want to tell her family or parents yet, so my immediate family are the only ones who know (the rest don't read my blog, so you guys can know, too).
Normally, I deal with things by talking to God and my friends. But most of my friends are gone now, since they were all in OA. So that just leaves me & the Lord, but for some reason I've struggled with praying about it all recently. Then I read about the importance of rest in the Christian life, about simply being with Jesus and not trying to do things to fix these problems (it was the "Desert Communion" chapter in "The Sacred Romance", if you must know). Hmmm....
The same day I got the news about my aunt, I went home and just laid down on my bed & talked to the Lord. Well, more like just laid there. I didn't have any words to say. And neither did He. I still couldn't cry. But I could feel Jesus' presence there as He took me in His arms and just held me... and reminded me that I didn't have to try and be strong around him. And so I didn't try to explain how I felt... I didn't try to remind myself of all the things I "should" know about holding on to faith in hard times... I just rested in His arms. And after a while, the tears finally came. And He just held me, reminding me that He was always there. No quick fixes. No Sunday school answers. No patronizing explanations that I've heard time & time again. He just let me rest... Praise God.
Now I must stand up and walk on. The road ahead is still unclear. The pain inside is still fresh. But God is still in control, and He is faithful.
"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." - Psalm 37:7 (NKJV)
Yeah... we all have those times. But I believe it's what we do with them that makes the difference. Do we run & hide? Do we pray? Do we cover it all up and act strong? Do we despair? What is your normal reaction?
I had a moment like that this past week. Things have already been stacking up for the past 2 months. Since our pastor left, our young adult ministry, One Accord, had its last service on Sunday. Dealing with the loss of our community has been hard. Losing some very special friendships recently, for other reasons, has also left its mark. But I was supposed to lead our prayer team and keep them encouraged that God was still working. And there were times when I saw that... and times when I walked on faith alone. My heart had already been broken in all this, and then the other week my small group leaders also announced they were stepping down. I couldn't even bring myself to cry over it. I was too numb. But things still weren't over. Two days ago, my aunt went into the doctor to check a cracked bone, and they found out that her cancer had come back. This time it's terminal. She doesn't want to tell her family or parents yet, so my immediate family are the only ones who know (the rest don't read my blog, so you guys can know, too).
Normally, I deal with things by talking to God and my friends. But most of my friends are gone now, since they were all in OA. So that just leaves me & the Lord, but for some reason I've struggled with praying about it all recently. Then I read about the importance of rest in the Christian life, about simply being with Jesus and not trying to do things to fix these problems (it was the "Desert Communion" chapter in "The Sacred Romance", if you must know). Hmmm....
The same day I got the news about my aunt, I went home and just laid down on my bed & talked to the Lord. Well, more like just laid there. I didn't have any words to say. And neither did He. I still couldn't cry. But I could feel Jesus' presence there as He took me in His arms and just held me... and reminded me that I didn't have to try and be strong around him. And so I didn't try to explain how I felt... I didn't try to remind myself of all the things I "should" know about holding on to faith in hard times... I just rested in His arms. And after a while, the tears finally came. And He just held me, reminding me that He was always there. No quick fixes. No Sunday school answers. No patronizing explanations that I've heard time & time again. He just let me rest... Praise God.
Now I must stand up and walk on. The road ahead is still unclear. The pain inside is still fresh. But God is still in control, and He is faithful.
"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." - Psalm 37:7 (NKJV)
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